“I’m here today to talk to you about the similarity between holding microphones and throwing curveballs.”
“I’m here today to talk to you about bathroom breaks.”
“I’m here today to talk to you about contrails.”
“I’m here today to talk to you about that thing you’ve got in your hair.”
“I’m here today to talk to you about how your mom was right about your last boyfriend.”
“I’m here today to talk to you about those weird side hugs that one friend gives you.”
“I’m here today to talk to you about where bacon fits into a diet respectful to your heart health.”
“I’m here today to talk to you about the devil."
“I’m here today to talk to you about comfortable socks.”
“I’m here today to talk to you about ways to flip someone off in England.”
“I’m here today to talk to you about one more thing.”
“I’m here today to talk to you about the importance of crossing guards around a school.”
“And now, I nap.”
“I just learned so much.”
